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Your Influence

Contrary to what your child tells you, what you say (or don’t say) does matter! Research shows that parents have the most influence on whether their child drinks alcohol or uses drugs. The Empowered Parents site encourages you to use the power of your influence to prevent youth substance use!

The rules parents/caregivers set, the relationships they build, and the conversations they have about alcohol, marijuana, nicotine, and vaping (or any other drug) make a BIG difference in the decisions teens make. Kids who learn about the risks of alcohol and other drugs from their parents (and know their parents’ no-use expectations) are less likely to ever use these drugs compared to peers who get inconsistent messages about substance use from their parents/caregivers.

An Important Job

Being a parent is hard work, probably the most challenging job you’ll ever take on! Children face significant peer pressure to drink or experiment with vaping or other drugs. Kids and teens are also exposed to many persuasive marketing campaigns for alcohol, nicotine, and other drugs.

However, you have more influence than you think. SAMHSA’s Talk They Hear You campaign is committed to skill building for parents and caregivers to start and have an ongoing conversation about substance misuse with youth. The “Talk. They Hear You.” campaign aims to reduce underage drinking and substance use among children and teens under the age of 21 by providing parents and caregivers with information and resources they need to address alcohol and other drug use with their children early. Check out the information below for tips on communicating with your teen or young-adult.

Using Your Influence

By following these suggestions, you can help equip your child to make smarter, safer decisions. Underage drinking and other substance use expose your child to many dangers, but your conversations can reduce the risk.

Starting at an early age, there are some necessary steps you can take with your children to minimize your child’s risk of substance use:

  • Communicate and stay involved. Use these age-appropriate Parent Up Talking Tips to help start and guide the conversation.
  • Set clear expectations for behavior.
  • Practice good supervision and consistent discipline.
  • Minimize conflict in the family.
  • Eat dinner as a family as often as possible—this is an excellent time to talk about the issues your children face in a non-threatening way.

However, it is also important to give respect to get respect. Keep in mind that baseless accusations diminish the impact. When you Accuse me, you Lose me.

Here are some tips for talking:

  • Ask open-ended questions- if the answer is yes or no, you asked a closed question
  • Confront the behavior, not the person- “you didn’t tell me you were staying out late” is a different message from “you always manipulate me and lie to me.”
  • Use I statements instead of you statements—“I get upset when...“ not “you make me angry.”
  • Be specific with your praise—let your child know what they did exceptionally.
  • Never discount their feelings by saying, “ I can’t understand why you would feel that way” Take the opportunity to ask how your child feels and try to understand their point of view—even when it is illogical…remember their executive (reasoning) brain function is still developing into the mid-20s.
  • Choose your time wisely—look for opportunities to talk with your teen/young adult about tough questions or concerns when the mood is relaxed, and the setting is neutral.
  • Be concise—Say what you need to say in as few words as it takes to get your point across.
  • Use words/phrases that your teen/young adult understands

You are a Role Model

If you drink alcohol, vape, or smoke, be mindful of the message you are sending to your children. Your example will impact your children’s decisions as they grow and develop. Set clear and consistent boundaries; don’t let your children sip or serve any alcohol or other drugs for you.

Monitor and Limit Access

You can decrease the risk of underage drinking or drug use by limiting access. You can also reduce risk by setting a positive example yourself. Here are some ways you can monitor and limit alcohol and other drug access:

  • Refuse to give alcohol or other drugs to your children. Underage drinking and drugs use can cause severe damage to a teenager’s developing brain.
  • Check-in with your teenager before and after they go out. You can use this helpful “Going Out” Checklist (hyperlink).
  • Secure alcohol, prescription medications, and other substances, and make sure you monitor the quantity.
  • Stay at home when your child hosts a party. Monitor the party and make sure that alcohol and other drugs in the house are secured and inaccessible to minors.
  • Plan activities in your home that are free of alcohol or other drugs.